Conflicting Feelings
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Robin wasn't even sure she wanted to be a mother, but the miscarriage still hit her hard. Set post "Rebound Girl" with speculation and possible spoilers for 7.12. Barney/Robin


**Disclaimer**: I don't own How I Met Your Mother and never will. No copyright infringement intended.

**Warnings:** Miscarriage.

**Author's Note**: While I was originally Team Pregnancy Scare, I'm not so sure it is from the spoilers that came out this week. I have so many fic ideas from this episode alone! Cannot wait until 7.12.

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><p>Robin wasn't sure how long she could hide her pregnancy from her friends, but she was bound and determined to keep it a secret for as long as possible. She had broken up with Kevin – He didn't deserve this – and now she and Barney were slowly starting to return to normal. Robin could tell he wanted more, though, and she just wasn't sure if she was ready for that. They were taking things slow this time around.<p>

Now, Robin and Marshall were sitting in the bar and she was trying to hide that she wasn't drinking from him. She ordered her normal drink, but then threw it in the booth behind her when he wasn't looking. She wasn't sure how long she could keep that up, but it seemed like Marshall didn't suspect anything.

"I have to go to the bathroom, why don't you go order us something from Carl?" She smiled when Marshall nodded and then left the booth. Robin tried not to panic when she noticed the blood on her underwear. Her OB/GYN had explained that spotting was normal in the first trimester of pregnancy. Lily had mentioned that she had spotted for a few days in the beginning, but then it had gone away. If the spotting got worse, she'd call her doctor. After freshening herself up, Robin returned to the booth.

"So, when is Ted supposed to come back?" Their friend had left Marshall and Robin alone, which didn't happen very often.

"He said he wouldn't be that long."

Robin and Marshall talked for a few minutes about some random topics to fill the awkward silence before she gasped as sharp pain suddenly lanced through her abdomen. And that's when she knew. "Something's wrong."

"Robin?" Marshall eyed his friend warily.

"I need you to take me to the hospital, please. This is important." Normally, Robin wouldn't ask for help, but the cramping was horrible and she wasn't sure she could do this on her own.

"What's wrong?" Marshall got out of the booth and rushed to her side, keeping her steady.

"I'm pregnant and I think I'm losing the baby." She tried not to cry out as the cramps worsened for a second.

Marshall tried not to let his shock show, but he might have failed in that regard. "Do I need to call Kevin?"

She shook her head. "No, call Barney and tell him to meet us there."

And there was another shocking revelation that Marshall hadn't been expecting to hear today. "Of course." He ushered her into a cab and they rushed to the nearest hospital. He called Barney as a nurse led Robin away.

While Robin was being told she was miscarrying, Barney was nearly at the hospital. He had rushed out of work as soon as Marshall had called him. When he showed up, Marshall was waiting for him.

"How's Robin?" Barney needed to get to her now and Marshall was in his way.

"She's okay."

"And the baby?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Barney."

"We lost it?" Barney couldn't comprehend that. Robin had just been pregnant that morning and now she had miscarried?

"Go in and see her. She's waiting for you."

When Barney entered the room, Robin looked impossibly small in the bed. "Hey." She tried to smile, but couldn't quite fake it. He wasn't buying it anyway.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"They gave me a painkiller, but I'm still hurting a little." All she wanted to do was go home and sleep in her own bed. She was numb and just wanted to be comfortable.

He crawled into bed next to her. "I'm sorry this happened." Barney didn't want to focus on his own feelings right now – Robin was his priority at the moment.

"It's okay." It was pretty far from okay, but Robin wasn't about to admit that. She yawned and then blinked back tears. She was determined not to cry.

"Why don't we get you home? I'm sure you'd be so much more comfortable there."

Robin blinked back more tears and then sniffled. "Sure." She pretended that she wasn't leaning on Barney as they walked out of the hospital. Marshall sat on the left passenger seat of the cab so Barney and Robin could be together. He pretended not to notice that she was leaning her head on Barney's shoulder. When the cab pulled up to Barney's apartment, he followed the two upstairs.

Barney settled Robin into his bed against her protest and then closed the door behind him so he could talk to Marshall. He and Robin had a lot of explaining to do, but he'd take care of it so she didn't have to. Robin didn't need the stress since she was already dealing with enough.

"So, I guess you have a lot of questions."

"I'm guessing this is why Robin and Kevin broke up? She was pregnant and it was yours?"

Barney nodded and then started to explain to his friend what had occurred between him and Robin in the past few months – It was a long story that Marshall kept interrupting, but they got through it. "Please don't tell anyone about the pregnancy and miscarriage? I know that Robin isn't going to want Lily to know because it's just going to hurt her. It'd upset Lil too much, and we don't want to do that."

"Of course I won't tell her. Don't worry, your secret is safe." Marshall didn't want to upset his wife either, and although it was hard to keep a secret from her, he would do it this time. He wasn't going to betray Barney and Robin's confidence.

When Marshall left, Barney returned to his bedroom to find Robin asleep. He crawled into his bed and gathered Robin up his arms. He kissed her forehead and made a promise to himself that he would be there for her no matter what. Barney fell asleep a few minutes later, thinking about what could have been.

He woke up to find his bed empty. Barney worried that Robin had left without talking to him, but he found her in the kitchen, eating some ice cream. "Hi. How are you feeling?"

She sighed. "Okay for now. I'm still bleeding a little bit, but the doctor said that's normal." Robin offered a spoon to him, and he took it. They started digging into the container.

Robin's emotions were all over the place and she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or scream in anger. She wasn't even sure she had wanted to be a mother, was unsure of how they were going to deal with the pregnancy, but she was still reeling from the loss.

Barney leaned over and hugged her. He wasn't about to scare her away by Mosbying her, but they'd get back to the "I love you's" eventually. He wasn't about to give up on Robin – He loved her too much to let her go. They'd get through this together. She wasn't ready to hear any of this, though, so he'd be her friend. "We need to talk about this."

She sighed, but knew he was right. "I know. We were going to have a baby, and now we're not. This couldn't have come at a worse time, but it still hurts."

"Yeah, it does. I never thought I wanted to be a father, but I've started thinking lately about having kids. And I wanted this baby, I really did. But the timing – like always – was fucked up and it still didn't matter. I was excited. I know you were terrified, but we could have been scared together."

She looked up at him. "I'm not ready now, but you know I will be eventually, right? I need to get my life back in order, and then I want to try us again. You're an idiot, but you're my idiot."

He laughed. "You're an idiot, too." They didn't have to say the words – Barney and Robin (mostly) always knew what the other was saying.

Robin went into work the next day against Barney's wishes and he showed up to take her out to lunch. Nora glared at them from her desk, but they ignored her. "You don't have to do this, Barney."

"I want to do this, Scherbatsky. Shut up and let me."

She rolled her eyes, but acquiesced to his request. After lunch, he took her back to work (and Patrice annoyingly inquired about what they had done) and promised to pick her up after she was done so they could hang out together. She thanked him and then reluctantly returned to her desk. Robin had been having a hard time concentrating, but she wasn't about to tell anybody that.

The next day at the bar, Ted and Lily were confused by Barney, Robin, and Marshall's odd behavior, but they explained it off as a movie they had seen that had freaked them out. Lily didn't buy it, but she didn't call them out on it while Ted just accepted their explanation.

Two days later, Robin finally broke. She and Barney were curled up on his couch, watching a movie, when it happened. She was laughing at a funny part when she started sobbing. "Robin?" Barney worriedly stared at her, unsure of what to do next.

"I'm so sad and I don't know how to make it stop. I didn't even want to be pregnant and now I feel so guilty. I can't take it anymore. I was going to be a mom and you were going to be a dad and now there's no baby. I don't know what to do." Robin choked on a sob as Barney gathered her up in his arms. He rocked her back and forth to calm her down.

He shushed her and whispered random crap in her ear to make her laugh. "It's going to be okay and you know why? I'm not leaving you. We are going to get through this. It's probably going to hurt for a long time, but we'll make it through. And maybe someday, we'll actually try for a baby and everything will be fine."

"You really think so?" She was still terrified of what a real relationship with Barney would be like, but Robin liked what he was saying.

"Hey, it's me. I know so."

"Whatever. You want to order Chinese and watch the rest of the movie?"

"Of course." He used his thumb to wipe tears off her face and resisted the urge to kiss her. She didn't need that right now – Distractions from their situation helped the best. So the two ordered Chinese and watched movies all night.

Although Barney and Robin would never truly get over the loss of their first child, they grieved and then healed together. The miscarriage had actually strengthened their bond.


End file.
